When it comes to romance, things can happen when you least expect it. That’s something Erinn Hayes’s Lori Soto finds on It’s Not Like That. At the same time, there are other elements of life that can creep in, and it’s something J.R. Ramirez’s David Soto learns.
At Claire and Jamie we chatted about the stories to come during Wonder Project’s new romance and family series. The two play a divorced couple who are now navigating the world of co-parenting, while also dealing with their own personality flaws and issues to create a better life for themselves.
Claire and Jamie: I love the heart to this series, but let’s start with introducing your characters.
Erinn Hayes: I play Lori Soto, who is the mom of two and recently divorced from this fine gentleman. She’s also a publicist, and she is trying to find her way in the world post-losing her best friend and navigating divorced life.
J.R. Ramirez: I play David Soto, the ex-husband with terrible timing. I am a music manager, a father of two, and a recovering alcoholic. There’s a lot going on with this guy.
Definitely a lot going on. Something I want to touch on is the topic of grief, because one thing TV shows don’t touch too much on is the topic of grief in divorce. Can you talk about that, because I do feel there are some heavy moments mixed in with the lighthearted ones.
EH: Yeah, I think they did. Our creators, Kristin [Robinson] and Ian [Deitchman], did such a beautiful job of just that. There’s a loss of the family unit, and there’s a loss of your identity. For Lori, she considered herself the last 17 years as part of this unit and the mother, so all of that is changing, and there’s a sadness to that, and dealing with children’s big emotions.
My parents got divorced when I was 14, and there were some very big emotions. But they tackle it from every angle. They’re constantly looking at it from a new angle and a new depth of emotions. I really appreciated that about the scripts and our show in general.
JRR: I think they did it with such grace and compassion and truth. You see David on this journey. He falls down a lot, and he’s very messy. He’s on this whole soul-searching exploration, trying to be happy and moving on, which happens a lot in life. At the root of it, you never lose the sense that this is a good human trying to do his best with what he knows.
He’s trying to be a good dad and having his son reflect some of the worst traits he has in front of him, that’s heartbreaking. How do you navigate that? They did such a beautiful job just tackling so many real and raw situations.
So, I think each character is really well thought out, and they’re very complex. Everyone has such a beautiful arc throughout the season, which is another reason I really love this show.
EH: Yeah, they have fully developed storylines. That was something that really drew me into the script in the first place. First, I read for my part, and then I got more into it. What I loved was every character was so fully developed. They had their own voice. They had their own things they’re struggling with. They all get addressed throughout the season, with change, love, loss, grief, and anger. Everybody has their moment.
So many shows focus on just the leads rather than the supporting characters. This one focuses on second chances and how everyone gets one. David gets his, the kids get theirs. What’s that like to tell this story of everyone deserves a second chance?
EH: I think it does speak to the fact that this is a true family show. This isn’t just about the adults, and it isn’t just about the kids. Those kids’ shows where you never see the adults. They have parents, right? They have to get them to school somehow.
But yes, it’s never too late to be the version of yourself that you want to be, and to meet yourself with a little kindness and compassion, and to meet others with a little kindness and compassion, because you might not know what they’re going through.
That’s what this show does so beautifully. It shows us that maybe what we initially think about somebody might now be true.
JRR: It’s not like that!
EH: Hey!
What is the message that you want to get across to the audience watching?
JRR: I think what we were just talking about in the sense of compassion and grace for other humans. So many times I’m guilty of it. You judge someone or someone’s life without fully grasping what that person’s going through, because you have no idea. So, I hope that people can watch this and really take a step back before they’re quick to judge or say something.
Erin, there’s a moment where Lori is going through all these dating apps, and she says, “Just pick one.” What was that like, because I feel like that moment is so relatable to many of us.
EH: Ian said that moment kind of inspired the whole series. It was a friend of theirs who had gone through a divorce, and they were going through dating apps, and she was like, “Oh my God, can you just do it?” They had a lot of fun, and he thought it was so interesting.
I never did a dating app, but I’ve talked with a lot of friends who have, and they say how terrible it is. It speaks to the series that she has this one good date and gets so zeroed in, and I was like, “Why does she keep doing this to have one bright spot?” But if we don’t, it means going back on and doing all of the conversations again.
I loved shooting that scene in particular, because I do think it shows how close Malcolm and Lori are and how much fun they have with each other. There’s this little peek of who is he at that moment. He’s not a pastor, and they’re just friends on a couch.
And that’s where you see the sparks start.
EH: They get very physically close, and it’s comfortable.
But they’re not necessarily looking for romance or to find each other. It naturally progresses. And even David has moments where he’s not really looking for anything particular, but it happens around him. What’s that like to have natural progression and the message of “keep your eyes open?”
JRR: Yeah, he’s got a lot thrown his way throughout the season, so his eyes better be open. I think for David, the big thing is that struggle and disconnection with Merritt, his son. They give him so many obstacles that he has to get over when it comes to him and his relationship with his son.
It’s his own fault, and what’s so beautiful is that he dug himself his grave, and now he has to get out of it. It was his own decisions and the consequences of his own actions through the entire series, and that storyline with his son, who is played by Caleb Baumann, and he does a beautiful job. This kid has a massive sense of vulnerability, and he plays it in such a beautiful way.
EH: Caleb was so worried that people weren’t going to like his character. He’s so angry, but I was like, “Yep, we all know that. We were all angry kids for some reason or another.”
It’s moving, and you just want to be like, “It’s not your fault. It’s okay to be mad.” He plays it so well. It’s heartfelt, and I love that.
To touch on your question a little more, it’s the way they wrote it. There are these things, and they don’t go away. Nothing is fully fixed. They took their time with the scripts and with the progression of story and people’s arcs that it wasn’t just one conversation and everything’s better. It’s more like life, and it’s messy for a while. You might push it down, but you have to deal with it at some point, or it’s going to come out in other ways.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
You can check out the entire interview with Erinn Hayes and J.R. Ramirez in video format:
It’s Not Like That premieres on Sunday, Jan. 25 on Wonder Project on Prime Video.